


Stockholm Syndrome

by Mina Lightstar (ukefied)



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 22:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1565672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukefied/pseuds/Mina%20Lightstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Good morning, Gintoki," Katsura Kotaro greets him. "I'm going to blow you sky-high."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stockholm Syndrome

**Author's Note:**

> For a convention's first fanfiction contest/'zine. I had a specific length and other specifications to which I had to adhere (which explains the Pocky.) Many thanks to Saaski for a speedy beta, despite the fact that it had been a (very) long day, and it was (very) late, and we were (very) tired.

When Sakata Gintoki rolls out of bed Friday morning, he comes nose-to-nose with a Justaway. "Hello."

"Good morning, Gintoki," Katsura Kotaro greets him. "I'm going to blow you sky-high."

Gintoki settles back on his futon, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Then why did you wake me up?"

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi shrieks from across the hall. "The house is full of Justaways!" Last night was a rare case of Shimura Shinpachi sleeping at Yorozuya Gin-chan, as opposed to heading back home with his sister. Now he is here, and awake, and perfectly capable of shrieking the way only Shinpachi can. "JUSTAWAYS!"

"Justaways," Gintoki confirms around a yawn. "Zura, what are you doing?"

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!" The raven-haired samurai shakes his bomb for emphasis.

A muffled groan comes from the closet, and then the door slides open, revealing a dazed Kagura in disheveled sleepwear. "What's everyone yelling about?"

"JUSTAWAYS!" Shinpachi answers.

Kagura has become adept at ignoring Shinpachi. "Zura, did you bring breakfast?"

"Not Zura!  _Katsura!_  And no."

She waves him off. "Meh, go away, then."

"Doesn't anyone care about the Justaways?!" Shinpachi demands.   
  


***

  
  
Once Gintoki is dressed, he pads into the living room and observes the situation. There are strategically-placed Justaway bombs all over their modest second-floor home. The only spot that hasn't been touched is Sadaharu's new carpet, where the giant alien dog continues to sleep, either not caring about the apparent danger -- or figuring, it's  _Zura._

 

Shinpachi is wringing his hakama into little bunches. Nervousness? Anger? Both? "Katsura-san, what's gotten into you?"

Gintoki sticks a finger in his ear, digs deep. "Calm down, Shinpachi."

Kagura mimics his action. "Calm down, Shinpachi."

"Any student of mine must learn to be calm," Gintoki adds sagely. "Remember your lessons."

"You haven't taught me anything," Shinpachi reminds him.

Kagura touches her chin and contemplates the heavens. "Ah, the follies of youth."

"What does that even  _mean?_ "

"All of you, listen to me." As one, they turn to behold Katsura, who has returned from the kitchen with a freshly-brewed pot of tea. "I need your help."

"Before or after you blow us up?" Shinpachi wants to know, sitting down on one of the couches.

"This is more like a threat, actually," Gintoki points out, finger in his nose now.

"You don't understand," Katsura explains, "I need you to be my hostages."

This is revealed with such desperate conviction that Gintoki and his housemates actually wait until Katsura pours them all tea, sits down on the other couch, and folds his hands in the lap of his yukata before laughing at him.

"Are you stupid?" Kagura sniggers. "Because that's a stupid idea."

Gintoki scratches his head. "Maybe if Otae were here, that would work. But the Shinsengumi won't be in any rush to save us. Besides," he adds, "they know we're somehow tangled up with you -- they just can't prove it."

Katsura looks down at his hands. "Gintoki... the Shinsengumi have arrested my comrades."

This catches Gintoki's attention. "They found you? How?" The Jouishishi have had more than one close call, but the fact that Edo's elite police force actually managed to corner them is nothing short of surprising.

Katsura flinches. "We were foolish; they were waiting. This time, only a few escaped. As for the others, I have to rescue them."

"You could have staged a jailbreak," Shinpachi tells the terrorist. "You might have better luck that way."

"No," Katsura says, voice assured. "No, I wouldn't."

There is a keen moment of silence, and then a knock at the door.

"Sakata-san!" comes Catherine's nasal voice. "Sakata-san, I'm here for the rent!"

Gintoki sticks a finger in his other ear and calls, "Every day you ask, and every day we tell you we don't have any money."

"Sakata-san!"

"She's going to come in," Shinpachi predicts, and leaves the room -- presumably to further heighten his blood pressure by examining their checkbook.

"Sakata-san!"

"She's going to come in," Kagura agrees, rolling some candy stick around in her mouth.

"Sakata-san!"

"Arf!" Sadaharu contributes.

"I  _know_  she's going to come in," Gintoki snaps.

Katsura points. "She's just come in."

"Sakata-san," Catherine taps his shoulder. "Otose-san is very upset with you."

Gintoki shrugs. Otose has been upset with him ever since they met, with rare reprieves when one required the other's aid.

Katsura surprises them both by shooting to his feet and brandishing a Justaway. "Back, Amanto!"

Catherine takes a step back, one hand pressed against her chest as she beholds the terrorist in a horror that swiftly fades to a deadpan stare. "You've spilled your tea."

"The entire house is rigged with bombs!"

"It's made an awful stain on your yukata."

"One false move from anyone, and both the Yorozuya and the Otose Snack House will explode!"

"You should wash it out as soon as possible."

"This is a hostage situation," Katsura concludes, leaping over the low table to wrap an arm around Gintoki's neck. "You can call the Shinsengumi now." The request is punctuated by Shinpachi and Kagura's return to the living room.

Kagura looks at Shinpachi. Shinpachi looks at Gintoki. Gintoki looks at Catherine. Catherine looks at Katsura.

"Why are you looking at me?" he demands. "Get on with it!"

Gintoki shrugs one shoulder. "Well," he says, "you see how it is."

Catherine stares at the entire room for a long time. "... Okay," she finally says, very slowly. She backs out of Yorozuya Gin-chan just as slowly.

Once the door is shut, Gintoki says, "This is the stupidest plan you've ever had."   
  


***

  
  
"THIS IS THE SHINSENGUMI," Okita Sougo announces through his megaphone. "KATSURA, IF YOU COME OUT NOW, I PROMISE TO ONLY SHOOT YOU TWICE."

 

_"Give me that,"_  Hijikata Toshiro snaps, snatching the apparatus away. "KATSURA, LISTEN. WE ONLY HAVE AN HOUR LEFT BEFORE  _LADIES FOUR_  COMES ON, AND IF I MISS IT I WILL SHOVE TEN JUSTAWAYS DOWN YOUR THROAT."

Beside the squad car, Otose and Catherine light up. "Hn," the proprietress grunts. "You're both terrible at this."

The Otose Snack House has been the center of attention all day. Well, Otose muses, for the first couple of hours, anyway. Invariably, bystanders grew bored with the negotiation and wandered away once it became obvious that it was going to last  _forever_. The negotiations have been at a standstill for most of the day, seeing as how Katsura's Justaways are said to line the walls of the entire house. The Shinsengumi cannot enter, nor will they release the captured terrorists, and Katsura will neither release his "hostages" nor surrender.

Gradually, more and more officers arrived on-scene; Otose is sure the entire force is outside her door.

"This is the worst idea Gintoki and his friends have ever had," she murmurs to Catherine.

"I'm sure everyone thinks so," Catherine assures her, taking a long drag.

Commander Kondo joins them, patting Hijikata and Okita on the shoulders as he passes them. "Otose-san, I'm pleased to report that the negotiations are going smoothly."

"They haven't been going anywhere," she reminds him.

"But no one has  _exploded,_ " he insists. "Even though this has been going on all day, and--"

"KONDO!"

"Oh, dear," Otose says, as Shimura Tae appears for the fourth time of the afternoon.

"Otae-san!" Kondo exults, throwing his arms wide, welcoming what will come. "The building is still standing and all is ARGHH--!"

"Save my brother!" Otae shouts as she pounds the commander of the Shinsengumi within an inch of his life. "My brother is in there!  _Save him!_ "

Catherine leans over to murmur in Otose's ear, "Didn't you tell her it's staged?"

Otose lights another cigarette. "This morning."   
  


***

  
  
Shinpachi sneaks a peek out the living room window. "Aniue's beating up Kondo-san again."

 

Gintoki stretches out on the couch. "How much longer is this going to go on? JUMP comes out tomorrow."

"As long as it needs to," Katsura snarls fervently. "How many of them are out there?"

"Can't tell," Shinpachi replies, slumping down under the windowsill. "They're all over the place. And anyway, if they see one of us, it won't be good. We're supposed to be restrained, remember?"

Katsura starts pacing.

Kagura's stomach growls again.  _Uhnnn, stupid Zura and his stupid plan. I should have a shopping bag full of sukonbu by now._  She reaches underneath Sadaharu for her Pocky. "Aw, I only have a couple left."

"That reminds me," Katsura says, as an afterthought, "Shinpachi, why don't you go make us some lunch? We haven't eaten since yesterday."

"I can't," Shinpachi mutters. "We don't have any food."

Katsura pauses, gives them an incredulous look. "What?"

"You're surprised?" Gintoki wonders, crossing one leg over the other. "We never have any money, so it stands to reason we don't have food, either."

"You could demand food," Kagura suggests around a stick of Pocky. Then she realizes that she heartily approves of this idea. "Yeah, demand food!"

"I can't," Katsura refuses. "I can't risk anyone getting too close, here. Not yet."

Shinpachi starts, "What are you  _waiting_ \--?"

"Oi, Kagura, let me have some of that," Gintoki interrupts.

She hides the box behind her back. "No way! If it's our only source of food, I'm not giving any to anyone!"

"What about Sadaharu?" Shinpachi asks.

"He can eat  _you_."

"Come on, Kagura," Gintoki coaxes, slowly getting up off the couch. "My sugar's low."

" _No, it isn't._ "

One moment, the room is filled with the sound of Gintoki's rumbling belly; the next, Gintoki pounces and Kagura kicks him in the face. A brawl ensues, the two sweet-addicts rolling around the living room in a tangled mess of limbs and shouts.

"You're just going to make yourself hungrier," Shinpachi tells them, but Kagura ignores him -- partly because she wants to and partly because Gintoki's elbow is in her eye.

"Leave me Pocky alone!" she growls, biting his forearm.

"What the hell is Pocky?!" he demands, shoving at her face.

She socks him in the stomach. "If you don't know, then you can't want to eat it!"

She doesn't know how long they wrestle, but she  _is_  hungrier once they finally collapse on the carpet. She flops onto her stomach, the side of her face pressed against the carpet. "Gin-chan," she calls faintly, "I won't make it."

Gintoki reaches across the floor. "Take my hand, Kagura. You were very brave. Go to the light, and all will--"

"Sadaharu's eating the Pocky," Shinpachi dryly interjects.

" _Noooo!_ " they cry as one, and dive across the room toward Kagura's beloved pet.

"Arf!" Sadaharu announces the end of his meal, enormous tongue hanging out with glee.

Gintoki falls onto his bottom with a solid thud. "Well, that settles it: we're going to starve."

"At last!" Zura cries from the kitchen.

"That's not a good thing," Gintoki reminds him.

Kagura glances at the doorway, eyes widening when Zura re-enters with Elizabeth in tow. The mysterious giant penguin flashes a placard:  _Free at last!_

"Huh?" Kagura is stumped.

"How did Elizabeth get in here without being noticed?" Shinpachi demands.

Zura pats his pet's fin. "If she's here, that means the others have been freed."

"Because she's huge, and all white, so you'd think someone would have noticed her."

"Our plan was to keep the Shinsengumi busy until a jailbreak could be executed."

"I'm not going to  _get_  an answer, am I?"

Zura continues proudly, "I held out until the Shinsengumi sent out every officer they had, thus enabling my remaining free comrades to rescue the others. Now, everyone is headed to a rendezvous point; I should be getting there, myself."

"How?" Kagura wonders.

"And why would the Shinsengumi send out every officer if they still had people in the jail to watch?" Shinpachi adds.

Vice-Commander Hijikata answers this with his next shout. "I'M SERIOUS, IF YOU DON'T SURRENDER IN TEN MINUTES, I WILL MISS MY DRAMA AND SOMEONE WILL DIE FOR THAT."

Gintoki picks himself up off the floor. "You owe us for this, Zura. They'll be breathing down our necks for weeks, after this."

"I know." Zura bows his head to all of them. "And it's not Zura, it's Katsura." He gestures to Elizabeth, who disappears into the kitchen. "I'm off, then."

"You'll need a distraction," Shinpachi advises.

Kagura is already moving. "I'll be the distraction!" she cries before she leaps out the window. "Catch me!" she screams to Okita.

"No." He steps aside, but she makes sure to land on him, anyway.   
  


***

  
  
Due to Hijikata's programming schedule, the aftermath is swift and smooth. In less than two hours, Gintoki, Shinpachi, and Kagura are enjoying bowls of rice courtesy of Otose.

 

"Do you think Zura got away?" Kagura wonders.

"I'd worry more about his crew," Gintoki replies.

"And what he'll do to us next time he needs to save them," Shinpachi adds.

Otose scrunches her cigarette in the ashtray. "Worst idea ever," she repeats. "And where's my rent?"

  
+fin+


End file.
